honey bunches of taint.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
