apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
