I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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