Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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