The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
