Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
