Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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