I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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