Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize