And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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