..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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