No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
