I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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