Where are you?
In a non slutty way
do herpes really smell.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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