I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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