I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
