i just had sex bonerless
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize