I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
