you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
