I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
