Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
