I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
