I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
