Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
