We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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