Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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