I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
