i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
