A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
