Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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