Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
