if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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