I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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