Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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