but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
