is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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