i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Randomize
