I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
