Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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