They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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