my soul wont recognize me after tonight
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
