My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
