Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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