Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
