You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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