So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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