Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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