last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
