Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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