or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
