It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
