I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
