If that was your dad, he is hot
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize