Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Randomize
