You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Just pee around me
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
