Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
