I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
