he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
