ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
