Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
