take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
