HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
