Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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